I'm so sorry you were worried and anxious...very unpleasant thoughts indeed. I tend to do the same thing and catastrophize whenever my loved ones are late or some other stressful event comes up: omg, they're dead in a ditch somewhere, they've been kidnapped and murdered, etc. So I know what that's like.

Obviously you're still dealing with the trauma of finding your husband when he passed away. Be gentle with yourself, and do work on it in therapy. ((((HUGS))))