First of all, I apologize for going on such a posting binge all of a sudden but I'm really freaked out lately )-:

Ok, I've been suffering with all the usual stuff (anxiety, OCD, hypochondria, depression, etc) for about 20 years now. However, it's been a LONG time since my last anxiety/panic attack so I figured either I was in a "remission"or that they had completely gone away (yeah, wishful thinking!). Here is what I *think* got the whole thing started but I would like to know if this is how other people's anxiety/panic attacks start out as well.

Anyway, I have a nice, healthy female (doe) goat that I've had as a pet for over a year. I have ALWAYS kept her as a house pet and she has never been out of my site or around other animals, etc. Ok, now try to forget the fact that I have a goat as a house pet and please focus on what I'm about to say next (yes, I'm a bit eccentric).

One day I caught her chewing on a piece of paper and so I reached inside her mouth with my fingers and removed it but when I did this, I accidentally nicked my finger on her teeth and while it did'nt bleed or anything, it did break the skin a little bit. My first thought was rabies, mad cow disease, etc and so I freaked out really bad even though this goat has licked me, coughed in my face, nibbled on my fingers and everything else so if I was going to "get something" chances are I would have gotten it long ago and think of how many people (farmers, pet owners, etc) get scratched, licked, bitten, peed on, pooed on, thrown up on, etc every day around the world but still, I went into this hypochondriac frame of mind where I started thinking I had some horrible disease and was going to die. I soon found myself watching every little thing she did wondering if it was a "sign" of something. I became paranoid and finally had to put her out in the barn and out of sight. In fact, I went out there this morning and she was as healthy and normal looking as they come but of course, my anxiety never takes a vacation.

This lead me into a week-long panic attack even though I was'nt even actively thinking about it. In other words, the fear was gone but the anxiety remained. I started taking Xanax and while it helped in the short term, the rebound effect once each dose wore off made things even worse. Then last night I had this horrible dream about my goat going nuts and having some disease and this freaked me out even more. I'm not sure wether my fear, Xanax or a combination of the two caused my weird dream but it's like anxiety can start out from the smallest "seed" and then grow into a HUGE plant!.

Along with anxiety comes all of the other weird symptoms of feeling surreal, spacy, head feels all crazy and you feel like your about to go mad sometimes. Then there's the feeling like you can't take a full breath and sometimes you get the lump-in-throat sensation and all kinds of other wierd stuff. I took some Vistaril this morning and it made my anxiety worse for about a 1/2 hour and then it seemed to help (but not much). Then, I took an 1/8'th of a 0.25mg Xanax which is an extremely small amount and that helped a little bit too but I'm FAR from feeling normal.

Anyway, is this how most of you people's anxiety/panic attacks started out?. A small, hidden fear that started out as a small "blip" and grew into this huge monster?.

- Regards and much thank's!