im starting to get used to this... not really... but im recognizing it for what it is...
my illness...

i just have to be very careful not to get triggered... but i feel it, im on the edge already, but im hoping that since the first of the month is coming soon and money will be coming that i will be ok for atleast a few more weeks ...? i am hopeful ... nervous ...

i dont want to feel that pain anymore its very painful

scary... you know..?
to feel like... im ok, right now im ok... but any moment i could be shot down, like i have snipers with their rifles pointed at my head... and they could shoot any moment and cast me into the pits of hell...