It might be a bit of both, I did a separate post of how I am feeling undeserving but I also am now dealing with my Narsicissist mom on my case about it "Going again 2 times? Really? this is ridiculous"

Sadly I live with her and need to find someone to care for my handicap brother if I wanna go anywhere so I have to tell her

Anyway I do feel a huge part of me wants to push him away though, my biggest fear is getting attached, I've read so many stories on here on how awful it can be for someone to go through, and with therapy ending, it sounds like a nightmare. I am too scared to experience any of that but I know if I don't go back I'll be in this crappy never ending loop of anxiety and sadness I've dealt with for years and If I changed therapists, I'd be sad

Anyway I will probably do that, just go Tues and tell him he can hold Fri and I'll call him to let me know if I decide to go then. I am not sure I should tell him all these feelings though. I have so much other stuff I gotta work on.