Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Mini-poll time, something I need to decide on for the final divorce decree:
- how long would you guys keep paying to keep an ex-spouse's possessions in storage? I have been paying already for 18 months or so. It's not a lot, about $90/month, but I want it off my budget. What seems a fair amount of time to allow said mentally ill ex, location unknown, to pick up said belongings? A year from the date of the final decree?
- likewise how long would you give them to get off your cell plan? I'm not actually sure how much that is costing me, and I have found it useful to be able to check his phone records in case there's any indication he's coming near me. Six months maybe?
There are a few other entanglements like insurance for my car (his car is on its own plan), but that I don't have any compunctions about removing him from as soon as I have the decree to show them (though it won't save me money).
Am I being too generous? At least one therapist (3) thought so, before I even started proceedings. And where I'm really hung up is he's on my Amazon Prime account - uses the shipping, video, music features a lot (we can't see each other's actual account information like address, though I can see what he puts on the watchlist - I sometimes get the feeling he puts specific titles on there to send me a message). I can't bring myself to do the two mouse clicks that it would take to remove him, because, what if it's giving him some pleasure in what is so obviously a terrible life for him?
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Couldn't agree more with 3 -- get out of all of it pronto.
If you feel too guilty about doing that, flip it around -- maybe your support / tenuous connection to him is preventing him from moving on and getting the help he needs?
It also sounds like a weird mind f--k? And, I'm not sure you need it (or if your guilt is eating you up about acting on your own behalf, consider that it may really not be good for him either?)?
It sounds like he's getting by financially thanks to savings or support of some other sort (i.e., doesn't have a job?)? So, I'm guessing he can totally figure out whatever else he needs (insurance, cell phone etc).
Seriously, just get out. Inform and then get the heck out.
P.S. I didn't get involved in so much depth (mostly coz a couple of friends freaked out when I told them I was considering doing it) but I had a similar experience in agonizing over how to support my brother. It was gawdawful to watch him sink in slow motion and I still have serious guilt pangs over it but (triteness alert) it reminds me a bit of
this Mary Oliver poem.