Really hard to stay sober. It's been about 3 months since my major relapse on

I vaped some last weekend because I couldn't take being sober anymore and it gave me a panic attack so I took some seroquel to calm down. I called my dealer for the first time in 2 years before I vaped it.

Right now my antipsychotic injection is working with the night time antipsychotic so I have no psychosis so it's easier but still hard.

I'll be drinking this week but not too much.

I feel like I will relapse on I'm not as tempted to get stimulants though because I'm on Vyvanse now and feel awake already.

I want to try an SSRI so I'll have less anxiety and my mood will be lifted and also I wont be tempted to try psychedelics because they don't work on SSRI's neither does ecstasy.

This is just something that's been on my mind and haunts me because I try to ignore it but it's there. It's always there.