You know what my biggest fear is? I've never told anyone - not my T, not my wife, no one - here it is: As disease and chronic pain wear me down, I fear that I will have healed and grown and lived only to end up a miserable, angry, spiteful person on my deathbed. I fear that - not death. Sounds like your mother is living my fear. So let me tell you now, while I'm still kicking, if that's how I end up, it wasn't anyone's fault but mine. Your mom isn't being miserable, angry, and spiteful at you - it's who she is. You deserved better and you still do. Deserving isn't the same as getting though, but the lack isn't about you.