I have been pulling out of a bit of a crash. My depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads and I am changing medications. (Lexapro no longer worked and I am switching to effexor).

I have begun to realize that I will probably always need medication as my depression is an inherited illness that simply gets much, much worse when life stresses present. And I have a heap of stress!

T has been so supportive as I walk down this bumpy road. He has helped me to hold onto information when my cognitive functioning has been fuzzy. He listens and responds as needed when I question the whole medication issue. He offers sound advice and valuable insight. He feels along with me and reflects my thoughts.

I have shown T my rage and together we have managed to sort through the triggers (when it is possible) and figure out how to deal with it when it surprises us both, like it did last week. I felt toxic but now realize that this toxicity is what was fed to me when I was a child. It doesn't belong to me and I'm giving it back! The venom belongs to the snake, not to me.

This working through is a challenge for both of us. T said I have to find a way to protect my little girl (my inner child). I am trying to find a way that is more loving. She just gets so frightened, especially when she is faced with situations that are beyond her control, like my son's illness.

I worry. I love. I care. I hope. I dream. I go to therapy. I take my meds.

I have begun to practice self-care.

Yikes, I guess I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Whoa.

I know because last year this was me:

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And now this is me: (I no longer am alone!)

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