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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
It's only my brother and me who can take care of mom. He doesn't have the wounds that I have from her and he is much more distressed at the thought of her feelings afraid and alone.
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I have a sister who, like your brother, doesn't share the wounds I have. Her relationship with our mother was significantly different, though she was damaged in different ways that are harder to identify. My sister was mom's best friend and confidante for most of her life and was with her when she died. It was hard on her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
A part of me, the little one, feels that for her but is afraid to reach out to her with it. Like Sonseearae, she sees no bad in anyone and wants to always give love and understanding/compassion. She has been wounded too many times in her innocence of how people can be.
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I offered to give her the keyboard just now to explain, but she has confidence in my ability to share her experience a little better than even she can and so here I go...
She is capable of seeing ...hmm, this may be tougher than I thought... we don't much care for the word 'bad' but she knows who my mother was. Hmm. Sonseearae is much more spiritual than I am...that probably needs to be said. She's my guru in many ways. She knows the terrible things that my mother did, but she also saw my mother's pain in a way that I could not and still struggle to see today. So she saw the bad but embraced the hurt little child within my mother. That's who she loved. She has no problem giving love and compassion but she trusts me to keep her safe, reminding me always that we can love from a distance even those who hurt us and are not safe to be around.
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
The 12 year old is her protection. The 12yo is angry but cannot express it. It's not allowed.
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We have another, Lori, who is about this age - and yeah, she is angry. Anger was something we never were allowed to express and she learned that lesson well. Today we are working on finding ways to lessen Lori's burden.
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
The little one has never wanted to accept what has happened. She wants to keep believing that things will change. She wants to believe that the mom will see her for who she is, not the defiant, willful, disobedient girl she tells stories of and her correction and discipline that punished her.
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Sonseearae is confident, and honestly, I've never known her to be wrong on anything like this - not ever, that your mother knows. Accepting it would be more than she could handle though as it would mean she is as terrible a mother and person as she is afraid she is. We are not saying that she is - but that she believes herself to be.
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
Here we sit. It's me, the little one and the 12yo. We are sitting on beautiful green grass with splintered white picket fence in a circle around us. We are sitting. We are waiting. There is a feeling of expectation. We aren't sure what we are expecting.
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Expect us to sit with you.