Well, having just had a great talk with sqrlb8 in the chat room, I can tell you I am forced to agree, at least to a degree with him. I'm honestly not sure which is worse. The depression, the horrible decisions I make when I'm up, or the zombie meds make me into. But I can honestly say that when taking meds, I'm just an automaton. No emotions whatsoever. To me that's just as bad as the lowest of lows that I have experienced. Admittedly, my symptoms appear to be less severe than most. I only recently just began to understand that I am bipolar at all. But when on anti-depressants, each day just goes by without meaning. I don't know what to do about this, whatever you may call it. But for me, anyway, medication doesn't seem to be the answer. Now, having said all that, I should also mention, I am here because these, not-so-severe symptoms do seem to be getting worse, so I am open to any suggestions whatsoever, and frankly, right now I am willing to try anything.