Hi 4428247

It sounds like you're going through a hard time I'm sorry
Not sure if I can help sorry, but minimally I feel for you and just a few thoughts:
I'm wondering if you could breakdown for yourself some of those things you hate yourself for........and then see if there's any other perspectives you could put on them, in the sense that maybe you're being a little over critical of yourself??
Maybe if someone else were in the circumstances you were in, perhaps you'd be a little more empathetic to them than you are to yourself?? Some things could be out of your control and not your fault so maybe you deserve to show yourself more compassion?? Some things might not be as extreme in the way others see you as you feel they are seeing in you??
And do you think maybe you're letting the things you're not so happy with massively overshadow/hide the positive parts about you from yourself?? Do you think you could give yourself much more credit for those?? Perhaps "in the bigger picture" the reality is that those things do say a lot more about you, and who you are than you recognise??
Maybe work on listing those positive things, which can also include things you have done, don't even have to be big things you have done sometimes little things sometimes the littlest things can be the biggest things!!
Might be that either setting yourself some small goals to feel better about yourself or spending a little more time showing yourself some self kindness/treating yourself could help/help you feel better about yourself??
Might be that an experience/s or people in your life have lead to some of those problems with esteem?? If so, maybe trying to work on or through some of that and dealing with/addressing those issues could help??
But ultimately, I don't know if it's like this for you but the concept of "self love" can be so hard to believe in when you feel real bad about yourself........so I'd say that maybe a real good place to start could be in working more towards self-compassion, feeling more self-acceptance in a positive manner, feeling more self-worth, feeling more self-respect, valuing (more?) things about yourself.............

So, just a few thoughts.........not sure if I've been way off target here in relation to what's going on for you, but if you want to talk more.............



Alison