Welcome, fellow. I never missed a december crisis since 2001.
I don't get hostile or angry anyway. Just sad and desperate. I exceed in carbs ALL the year (don't touch my spaghetti!!!)
As for masturbation... I use to lose ANY sex drive completely.
But hostility is one possible face of depression. And self destructive behaviors too. I wish I had started to get treated when I was young like you (I only did it at 30, and I have a LONG way to go now I'm 36).
So listen to me: even if you don't feel like it, see a psychiatrist.
Not now, because you are too ANGRY. Do it when you feel better and describe your episodes. Yes, going to the psych you will definitely FEEL like a JERK.
But accept a suggestion from who ignored the problems and now knows he WAS a JERK.
Do it.
The best of luck
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