Okay. For you, Anais!

"Subject Line: HELLO! I EXIST!

Hi...

I hope you had an enjoyable bank holiday.

The owner of the shop I work in went away for the weekend and left me in charge. On Saturday I came down with some sort of horrible virus - such perfect timing! I felt terrible. But I got through it. I got a text message today saying "Thanks for running the shop for me Luc - everything is perfect here - so good to have you on board.", which has made me very happy. It feels extremely important to me to have done a good job, because he put his trust in me and employed me when I was afraid that no-one ever would.

Actually, he said something funny the other day... When I last saw him, on Thursday, and he was asking how I was feeling about looking after the shop. He said "you'll be alright, you're a grown-up". That struck me afterwards as a bit of an odd thing to say. I mean, do grown-ups need to be told that they're grown-ups?

I'm pretty sure I'm not a grown-up. Still got some growing to do.

I didn't sleep well last night - I was afraid of the impending thunderstorm (how's that for not being a grown-up), which barely even happened in the end.

...and I'm anxious about seeing my client again tomorrow. IF THEY SHOW UP, THAT IS! I'm considering calling my supervisor, since I didn't get to see her last week... but I don't really have anything specific to say, just... "HELP, I have no idea what I'm doing! I've changed my mind! I'm rubbish at this!"

So. That's where I am today. Tired and snotty and anxious but also a little bit proud of myself.

I want to tell you about what happened to me last time I saw you and why I went all weird and couldn't speak. I also want to tell you about the realisation followed by revelation that I had on the bus home. I don't think I can tell you in that much detail. Not right now. But I'll try and tell you some of it.

There was something about your appearance that I noticed when I saw you last week, and it occurred to me that I'd seen it before but somehow managed to erase it from my mind completely. Like, I had repressed it, in some weird Freudian way. That wasn't directly the reason why I went quiet - it may have been... probably was... a part of it though.

As I was pondering on that on my way home and wondering why my mind had refused to remember it, I realised that (amongst a few other things, actually, which has vaguely occurred to me before but not felt that important) my sort-of-ex-boyfriend, (Name), kind of had this in common with you.

So... what with me never really 'getting over' him... I guess there might be some explanation for my transference there. I guess there must be. I guess we should talk about it. Eek.

See you next week.

Luc"

Is it too long and rambly? Too vague and confusing? Does it make sense? Is it okay? Is it a terrible idea?