There is nothing at all to feel badly about. Everyone grieves differently and if we aren't ready to deal with it--we'll bury our feelings. We can push them down so deep that we don't even know they are there. Three years is not that long ago. Our mom died over 20 years ago and it is still hard to come to terms with it. I know my sister still goes to pieces over it and I don't bring it up. Being able to grieve is both a blessing and a curse but we just can't force ourselve to fit into a grief sterotype. It is what it is. Go easy on yourself if you can. You are definitely not crying in order to get attention. Usually we have no control over our tears.