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Originally Posted by stopdog
I have a couple of ideas (which may or may not be useful - I am not saying they are the answer)
1. Husband's being annoyed is his problem. If he does not tell you when you ask, then what good does it to worry about it. He has made a choice - let him deal with it.
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Yeah, I ended up texting him, since I wanted to know before MC if he was angry, and he said it's more that he's just in a foul mood in general, not particularly because of me. I think I tend to feel too responsible for other people's moods or feelings.
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2. I can't tell if you directly said "I have to work - you have to take care of D and get her out of the house" if you didn't - then perhaps that directness might help (it would help me -if someone said "I have to get some work done today" I would not then go to that meaning "And because I am working you have to do X" - my natural response would be "okay do some work then" and then I would go off and do my own thing)
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Yeah, I may not have been direct enough, though I tried to be. I think I backed off too early.
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3. D is, even with her disabilities as described, in my opinion (for what it is worth) capable of being told - mom is working so you have to sit and play quietly for an hour. Set her up in the room next to you or her room or in the room with you - but with the direction that she cannot get in your lap or talk to you for X (reasonable) amount of time. I don't think parents have to be interacting with their children all the time - even if child is being whiny or clingy
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Yeah, I did have to tell her a few times this morning that she could play with my phone only if she sat on the other side of the couch instead of in my lap--a few times it was because my leg was falling asleep, or I was attempting to have a bowl of cereal. I think I just feel guilty doing that, like I should be happy that she wants to snuggle with me. Or if I'm like "Get off of me so I can look at my computer," it seems like I'm rejecting her (which is probably part of my whole overcompensating as a parent thing).
She has just been both extra clingy/whiny lately and also extra defiant (which is probably a good sign in terms of maturity/development). Like today, she was throwing some things down the stairs, I told her to stop, and she was just like, "No!" Though she did stop. We try putting her in time out in her room, but lately, if she's mad at us, she'll just pull toys out and throw them. Perhaps we need to do what MC said he did once with his daughter--have her go to time out in *his* room. Or just have her sit at the bottom of the stairs, stuff like that.
She knows if she does certain things here or at school she'll be in time out. Like she'll say "If you do X, you'll be in time out." But apparently, at school lately, she's sometimes choosing time out over doing work. Which..actually seems kind of smart, like she's working the system. Sit on the carpet instead of do work? Wish I could get away with that! I think we need to find some other technique...