Ug, so Uncle is trying to use this as a means to get me and my dad to "make up." My uncle doesn't understand that what is going on between us is more than just one fight. It's about years of abuse and mistreatment.

But anyhow, I did send my dad a note about Memorial Day, as he and my grandfather were vets. Then this morning I went to granddad's grave and left a flag and left flowers on my grandma's grave. I sent the pics of the flag and flowers to my Dad and Uncle. My Dad responded "Why thank you." ANd I had also asked him how we get one of the permanent flower vases that they require for flowers. He didn't know, so I said I would look into it. Since I now realize I live 5 minutes from their cemetery (lol, I didn't even realize that...and I used to take walks through their cemetery and didn't know that was the same one.)

I don't think my dad and I can ever have a normal relationship. He was my abuser. Much like my mom. But my mom admitted her shortcomings to an extent. With my father, I think it's going to have to be a very casual relationship, almost like you'd have with an elderly neighbor. (ALthough I had an elderly neighbor and she is one of my best friends now, lol.)

The problem between us is that he refuses to see what has happened in our history as father and daughter through my eyes. He will only see them through the eyes of an adult, not that of a young child, not that of a daughter, etc. He believes that his experience is the truth, and allows for no other perception of reality but his own...even when he flat out lied (which is what caused the recent estrangement). He has far too many MI problems that he would never admit, and he can't take responsibility for his own actions. He has accused me of being manipulative (I can't manipulate ****, let me tell you, it's why even though I want to be a lawyer, I don't think I could be) when he is truly the one who has manipulated me several times throughout my life. I could list them off here, but I'm just going to assume you all trust me.

Anyways, if this brief interlude can get us back to occasional texting at least, that would be good. I don't need to be lovey dovey with my dad. I don't need us to be close. But I would like him to come to my funeral and vice versa. I would like to at least mention that I have a dad (which I don't even at this point). He's not all terrible either, it's just that bad has outweighed the good SO much.

I'm considering writing him a letter...I will draft it and post it here, and maybe y'all can judge if I should send it for Father's Day.

Seesaw