My dad died 12 years ago. We had a difficult relationship since my teens. I only discovered he was autistic when I was in my 40s. I've only just started to really miss him. I thought I hated him, but what I actually hated was his autism, which I never understood. He tried to love me and my mother but I resented him for being different. Grief is a strange thing. I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. I couldn't bring myself to say I loved him on his deathbed, although he said he loved me, and those were his last words. He hung on til my mother and I came to visit him in hospital, and died in front of us both. I'm so sorry dad. I love you.