So sorry to hear you are struggling right now. It is hard to have hope when we are feeling so hopeless.

I am one of those who still hangs around even though I have finished therapy successfully. I went through many years where I didn't think it possible to get to that point, but it did come. It came for my husband too (and I know of several others). But in the midst of it, I understand how impossible and unattainable it seems.

I hope you can find a way through, perhaps with a therapist who can help you find a tangible path forward.