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colorsofthewind12 · May 29, 2017 at 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guilloche

Thanks, Bluebicycle and Unaluna (hi!) -

Bluebicycle... thanks. Yeah, I try to break down my goals. That's a really good suggestion, and these days, I'm generally just focusing on: what is the one next thing that I need to do to move me forward in this day. Like, "OK, just focus on getting out of bed" or "let's just brush the teeth, then we can move on with the day". Like, what is the one thing that is standing between me and the rest of my day.

I think I was more curious whether anyone else knew of any success stories from therapy. I feel like... they're so few and far between? We hear so many stories (and I have my own bucket of them) of people not getting helped in therapy, being hurt by their therapist, being kicked out, or just getting stuck in therapy for decades with little to no progress.

I know there's some bias here - if you've gone through therapy and got what you needed, you're pretty unlikely to be hanging around on a therapy forum encouraging others (presumably there are much more interesting things to go do!). But, it seems like some of us should at least know OF people who met their goals in therapy, got what they wanted out of it, were successful and have moved on?

I'm just feeling... like I'm getting older and older, and nothing is getting any better. It's getting worse. And, I can't see a path out

. I don't mean to be dramatic, but I keep *trying* to figure it out... and I feel like I'm in a sinking boat that is constantly taking on more water, and I can't clear it out fast enough. For every bucket I remove, another 3 enter the boat. Like, there's almost nothing left to hope for at that point - you can clearly see the pattern, and you can see that what you're doing (removing buckets of water, one at a time) - if you keep doing that, is not going to be enough, the boat is sinking. But there's no obvious other answer.

Sorry. I am just sinking this weekend. And, when I try to look at possible new therapists (I've had a lot of therapists, and no real great outcomes) - none of them look like they actually have what it takes to be helpful.

Hi Unaluna, nice to see you too. I don't know the answer? I don't know that's the right question? I don't think you do, I think you fix what you've got... maybe? But sometimes people change too, don't they, accidentally? Are you the same person you were 20 years ago? I don't think I am... I feel like I'm missing the point, sorry!

I feel you. I've been struggling with similar thoughts and feelings the past few days. I was recently triggered and ended back in the same dark place that I usually go to. It made me think of therapy as being pointless and all I saw was all the failures and what I still have yet to achieve.

But once I bounced back I also thought of all the slow, steady progress that I have been making. Tiny little accomplishments that to many wouldn't seem big to others, but to me are monumental.

Therapy has taught me a lot about myself. It has caused me to reflect on why I ended up with my issues and what I can do when my triggers come up. I've worked through incredibly difficult and excruciating feelings with my therapist.
I've pushed him(metaphorically!), threatened to quit many, many times, and doubted him and the process. But he has stayed with me and continues to stay with me through it all.

I also think we have to give up on the fantasy that our T will save us. That we can just show up and things will fall into place. They won't. We just have to work hard and or be lucky in finding a T who is good at what they do and consistently be there and show up for us through thick and thin. The rest is up to us.

We need to decide to choose that enough is enough. We need to start actively choosing better. We need to take responsibility for the choices we make and try to let go of the victim mode that is very easy and (partly pleasurable) to be in.

That doesn't mean that along the way we won't get stuck. We will. We're allowed to feel all the feelings that therapy often induces in us. We're allowed to doubt and to periodically feel hopeless. We are allowed to regress. I think this is normal.

I don't know if I'll be successful. I don't know if the hard work that I've put in will reap results. I can only be hopeful and try my best. That's all any of us can do.

And as others have asked "what does success mean"? For many of us, therapy is usually a lifelong endeavor, because the altnerative is way worse.

But back to you, you mention that you looked into therapists but you don't think they would be helpful. Could it be that you just have very high standards or you are looking for a miracle worker?