Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
I met a wonderful guy through mutual friends over a year and a half ago. We began talking 5 months ago, but went on two dates together in the last couple of weeks. We've hung out together with friends and we just click so well. So far, everything has been so wonderful, it's so easy to open up to him, I'm not scared to be myself AND he actually calls  (!). We can talk for hours on the phone and the times we are together in person are better. I believe we have strong compatibility, the same values and ways of thinking. He is sweet, witty, funny, kind and smart. He's also someone I did not expect to date at all because I was getting over someone else at the time we met.
Aside from all of this, I have one reservation.. I am not sure about how I feel about dating someone who is the same race as me. We are both Southeast Asian but different ethnicities (does that make sense?) I have only ever dated White, Latino/Hispanic or mixed-race men in the past because I always had a reason for never dating an Asian guy and never really had an attraction. Well, things have shifted.. and I have been thinking about us and how we got this far.
All my life, my mother scoffed at the idea of me dating or marrying someone Asian because of the horrible experiences she went through with my father (i.e. physically and verbally abusive). She doesn't want the same thing to happen to me and makes fun of me for it. I've thought about her comments a lot and it's kind of clouded my judgement that I'm coming off as prejudice for no reason other than him being from that specific ethnic group. I'm also easily influenced and I don't want that to get in the way if we end up becoming exclusive partners. There are preconceived notions about his ethnic group. For instance, they are dirty, loud and their culture is complicated (whatever that means?). For me, I see him as a person and someone who truly cares and makes an effort to be in my life. I haven't had that in a really long time. It almost seems unreal. I really like him, but I don't want to have these negative thoughts dictate my real feelings. What should I do? |
Short answer? No, it shouldn't matter at all who you date regardless of ethnicity. However, as someone coming from an Asian background as well, I understand how much family can influence these matters and how much their opinion matters.
Can I ask which ethnicities you are?
It sounds like you're very attracted to this person, but your mother's biases are definitely coming off strong. Something I might do would be to make a list of things I thought about said partner, and then things that your mother (but not you) think about him and try to sort of what you think and what your mother thinks, so you have a clearer picture of the situation and your own thoughts and feelings.