I haven't been here for quite awhile. I thought everything was pretty managable and was going along on a nice steady course with treatment.
All of my alters, even though they don't always get along, communicate pretty well with eachother.
I've had short periods of lost time before but usually one of the alters will step in and explain what's going on.
In the last month of therapy, my therapist says that an alter has been appearing in sessions. She is the one I would sometimes call the crazy or angry one.
When she appeared in past I would feel as if I'm standing aside and watching, listening to her rage.
She takes a lot of her rage out on me and will hit me with a coat hanger, belt and sometimes hurt me in my private area. That's all she seems to be is rage.
But my therapist says that she's been talking lately in therapy. She hasn't told me any of what this angry one says and I'm a little relieved but also wary because my therapist is always very open with me. My therapist says that this angry one holds a lot of secrets that need to be approached gradually and I trust her with that.
But...I've been getting e-mails, from an address I'm not familiar with. Anyway the first one was a copy of a picture of me, profile, normal shot, displayed on an adult site. It didn't have my name or location, it gave a nick name instead. But what it was asking for was shocking and has terrified me. I then got an e-mail the next week, forwarded to me from this other e-mail.
It was from a man who said he wanted to meet and carry out something I can't begin to explain here.
I'm sure that the angry one set up this e-mail account and put this ad on a website not only to frighten me but to hurt herself.
My therapist says that this angry one thinks she is completely seperate from me and the other alters, and that any harm that comes to her will not harm us. I'm starting to think so also. I wish that this angry one, whomever she is would just die because I think she has a strong death wish.
I'm not sure how else to explain this, I'm so upset.
My therapist thinks that as long as the angry one is talking that things will sort themselves out.
But I got another e-mail forwarded to me yesterday, from someone who is talking about something very frightening. I've had long periods of lost time in the mornings and late at night, no memory at all and no memories from the others. I feel that she's putting us all in danger, my family too.
I'm terrified.