Do you have any emotional support for yourself right now; whether its in the form of trustworthy coworkers, friends, relatives or even a therapist? You seem to have a lot of weight on your shoulders with the responsibilities you have, being a single dad and being separated from your wife. You need support too. Don't neglect yourself. No shame in seeking help when you both deserve to have it, and need it, so that you can function at your best, esp. during stressful periods of life.

As far as your son's disobedience. Do you think its a side effect of your separation from your wife? Or do you think its just part of his personality? What do you do to help him calm down? What are the doctors' opinions who've evaluated him? Autism? ADHD? An actual health problem? Or just an emotional reaction/response to his parents' being separated?

I read through your threads. It sounds like your wife and her mother have very enmeshed boundaries. So, I can see why it negatively impacted your marriage, if she tells her mother everything about what goes on between you and her (which is none of her mother's business, nor should it be, really). She doesn't seem like she's on your team. I always think of marriage as two people being on the same team; same values, same goals, wanting to support and nurture each other through the good times and bad.

Divorce is scary, but it is better than staying with a person who is toxic to your well being. There are systems and resources in place, that are meant to help parents (not necessarily family court, but moreso nonprofits and support groups is what I'm thinking of) in your situation.

And I agree with your observation that neither medication or therapy can fix your situation, that has more to do with the environment you're in. Medication can't fix a broken relationship (at least that's what I believe, some will disagree with me, and that's o.k.).

Therapy, to a certain extent, can help if it is with a person who you trust. But, if you aren't comfortable going to see a therapist, then maybe try to find a support group for single parents (for dads), in your city, where you can go and vent and seek emotional support from men who are going through your situation too.

What I really think will help you, is to change your environment (live separately from your wife while you think through the possibility of divorce and how to transition from being married to being single again), so that you can see things from a fresher perspective, if that makes any sense?

I think the worst thing married people can do to themselves, their families, and to each other as a partner, is to stay married when they are not good for each other. If marriage counseling isn't an option, or is an option that fails to repair the dissonance between both partner's values, goals, boundaries, and such, then divorce really is the best option (as stressful as it is to go through).

I don't know if anything I wrote was helpful. Just thinking out loud about your situation. Don't lose yourself during this time. Make sure you have solid friends you can get support from when you need it.