Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Dear MC,
You know what I think I *really* want? (But could never ask for). For you to admit your role in developing and maintaining my transference and attachment. The excessive self-disclosure, the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the little smiles, the reassurance even when you say you have to stop reassuring me, teasing me, the outside contact (not that I'd want you to take that away of course), being endearing by doing things like singing a song, talking about your kids and demonstrating how caring you are with them, forgiving me and accepting it if I pry into your life, never getting (or at lest admitting to) angry with me, letting sessions run over even when you say you need to stop doing that, some sort of countertransference (paternal? Seeing yourself in me? Possibly a bit of erotic/romantic?) that I'm sure you'd never admit to...
But I can't talk about this with you. Partly because I like most of it, even as I recognize the effect some of it has had on me, even realizing that, though you say you're trying to help me work through the attachment and transference, you're simultaneously feeding it and keeping it alive and intense. I think I need you to help me out of this, but first you'd need to recognize your part, and I don't know that you'd be willing to do that...
And yeah, you could cut off any outside contact and stop self-disclosing (actually, I'm not sure you'd be capable of not telling personal stories!) and stop being nice and caring to me, but I don't think some sort of cold turkey thing would work well with me (just as I know I could walk away if I wanted, but then, according to what I've read, I'd just find someone else to attach to). So I want you to help me, just not sure how. Maybe tell me more negative stories about yourself? Like about you getting angry at your kids? Or go into detail about the times you've punched a wall? Stories that focus on how different you are from me instead of how similar? Or just really mundane stories, like "I spent Saturday mowing the lawn and caulking the bathroom." Or maybe gross/TMI ones--"I had some Taco Bell and spent all Sunday night in the bathroom." I don't know for sure that would help, but worth a try maybe? (OK, maybe not the gross ones...)
Love,
LT
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OMG. My second therapist did almost exactly what your marriage counselor did! He did the excessive disclosure, teasing, talking about people in his life, etc.. Drove me nuts. He also talked about masturbation once... and that's when I quit seeing him. I did not bring up masturbation or anything that would have led to talking about it. He came up with that topic on his own.
My first therapist, although female like me, did excessive self disclosure too... and it made me become attached to her, as if she were my own mother. She would not (on her own) admit to developing transference, and I don't think she would admit to it even if I confronted her about it. So yep, I totally feel you on that one.