Your wife makes no sense.
Either she wants you around 100% or she doesn't.

It's not fair to keep stringing you along, this "I hate you don't leave me" tune is unhealthy.

Time for you to make a decision, and hopefully stick by it, if not for you, then for your boys.

Because if it's up to her, she'll keep her safety net around for as long as she needs.

Just to clarify, I don't mean play hard ball and do exactly what she accuses you of (controlling) but IMO, its perfectly alright to say "make up your mind woman. You in or you out?"

Ok maybe not in those exact words, but you get the gist, and she needs to know she can't have one foot outside the door.

Best of luck, and if you disagree or dislike what I say, feel free to chuck it in the fukcit bucket, just my perspective.