Hi arnie

I am sorry things are so hard on you
But the "why"'s"..........well I'd say no-one, including you, deserves depression.........and it doesn't make "sense" how something can feel so hard, hurt so much or leave you feeling so empty..........and that is something wrong, not you, but depression
And sometimes it may just be about making it one day at a time the best you can and trying to find any little things that can help along the way, because this doesn't necessarily have to last forever, there can still be that bright light/the lifting of the cloud in time.........

And you know, where you see/feel "hopeless"...........I was actually seeing/feeling hope there.........
You are still trying crochet, something it sounds like you care/cared about, so try not to give up on that..........with depression your focus/concentration/motivation can slip away, but that doesn't need to stop you!! Maybe "just" find some easier patterns and try it for a shorter time, depression can make it hard to stick with things but maybe for much shorter times?? Just be gentle on yourself as to how much you feel you can do.........
And trying something new, not only new but also in combating the depression!!! Well definitely an achievement there, definitely a positive, definitely letting depression know that it isn't winning!!
It's just, from what I understand, things like that can take time to help, it can be a matter of practice, practice, practice.......so please don't see you or the session as failing, it is fantastic that you're giving it a go!!! Really!!! Just hang in there, hey??
So yes, I see hope there
And if you're struggling to see that anytime, you know we're here for you, right??!

Alison