he made me cry

i didnt want to cry

its just that i want out of this situation that i am in so bad, that i am trying so hard, struggling so much, and making so little progress, due to all the triggers, and i know the answers are right in front of me, the problems right in front of me, and i know what i need to do, and how to make it all better

just that i dont know if i can do it, if i am capable emotionally... mentally...

the answer is simple: Get out. Get out NOW.

how? i dont know how... case manager says go to a shelter, i dont want to go to a shelter.... i dont want to.... i go back to the clinic on the 5th and i will talk to her about it more and see if she can describe in more detail what they are.... tell me about the options... but i really dont want to do that

i want to do it my way, but i dont know if my way will work, because im a failure..

i want to force my way through this stuff, through the mine field, through the triggers, ignoring the enemies, warnings, triggers, everything, just ****ing ignoring the **** out of them until the disappear...
focus on the GOAL.... but focus is so hard for me... focus is so so hard.... i lose focus because of the triggers i guess... if i can just practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques and just fight back though i can do it right? and **** em, fight em all and show them whos boss and kill all the enemies...

the focus goal is simple... Get out... how?
i have to FACE MY FEAR OF DRIVING, kill the phobia... i have to kill the phobia of driving some how... i dont know how... i have alot of anxiety just from riding in vehicles so i dont know how i can do this, but i have to do this so that i can get my drivers license so i can drive to work!

i have to get a job! to make money, to support myself!

i have to get my G.E.D. !!

and those 3 things can get me out of here right...?

if not get me out of here they can help get me away from here for short periods of time so that i can be away from the triggers long enough to have down time right...?

i dont wanna do therapy anymore...
i just want this all to be over... but maybe i will see both therapists just 1 more time...

i gotta get a job so bad... echo echo echo echo.... i need a job so bad man....