It is ruining everything.
I cannot even feel “safe” or “secure” when my partner is simply watching a video on YouTube just because the movie teaser at the beginning may contain some bullsh*t in it.
I do not feel good when I see pictures of women revealing their breasts at events appearing on MY Facebook or on articles just because he may sees them too. Chances are low but I still freak out. I wasn't like this before... I was able to go to the beach, go to bars, go to the mall, etc. Now, I'm doing it but dreading it as well.
Do not get me wrong; I am not necessarily a prude. I am quite confident with my body and I do not have any problem showing it. However, it feels very intimate to me as it is the only thing I can actually decide to share. My face? Everybody is seeing it. My intelligence? I have to use it at work. My hobbies? I'm sharing them with friends and family. Of course, I'm not only my body and I have much more to share... but intimacy is really important to me.
Being sexually assaulted made me realize how my body is sacred and how I control to who I'm giving it. I realized it was more important to me when someone stole a little bit of it.
In a way, I do think if it is intimate, I don't want my partner to see the intimacy of someone else ; also because it doesn't belong to him.
Partner or not, I would still feel stuck in this feeling as I feel it is way too excessive in today's days. Also unequal if we compared with male - especially in media.