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Trace14 · May 31, 2017, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

he made me cry

i didnt want to cry

its just that i want out of this situation that i am in so bad, that i am trying so hard, struggling so much, and making so little progress, due to all the triggers, and i know the answers are right in front of me, the problems right in front of me, and i know what i need to do, and how to make it all better

just that i dont know if i can do it, if i am capable emotionally... mentally...

the answer is simple: Get out. Get out NOW.

how? i dont know how... case manager says go to a shelter, i dont want to go to a shelter.... i dont want to.... i go back to the clinic on the 5th and i will talk to her about it more and see if she can describe in more detail what they are.... tell me about the options... but i really dont want to do that

i want to do it my way, but i dont know if my way will work, because im a failure..

i want to force my way through this stuff, through the mine field, through the triggers, ignoring the enemies, warnings, triggers, everything, just ****ing ignoring the **** out of them until the disappear...
focus on the GOAL.... but focus is so hard for me... focus is so so hard.... i lose focus because of the triggers i guess... if i can just practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques and just fight back though i can do it right? and **** em, fight em all and show them whos boss and kill all the enemies...

the focus goal is simple... Get out... how?
i have to FACE MY FEAR OF DRIVING, kill the phobia... i have to kill the phobia of driving some how... i dont know how... i have alot of anxiety just from riding in vehicles so i dont know how i can do this, but i have to do this so that i can get my drivers license so i can drive to work!

i have to get a job! to make money, to support myself!

i have to get my G.E.D. !!

and those 3 things can get me out of here right...?

if not get me out of here they can help get me away from here for short periods of time so that i can be away from the triggers long enough to have down time right...?

i dont wanna do therapy anymore...
i just want this all to be over... but maybe i will see both therapists just 1 more time...

i gotta get a job so bad... echo echo echo echo.... i need a job so bad man....

Unfortunately when you are dealing with Social Services it's not really in your hands and you pretty much have to take what they offer if you want to get help. You need professional help, maybe check into a hospital for a while. We as members that are also going through a lot ourselves and really can't help you with this. You are going to have to make some tough decisions and commit to a better life for yourself, which will require you to put in some time and effort. This is not a quick fix but the sooner you get serious about it and getting help the sooner you will get to that goal. Since listening to yourself on what your wants are and how things need to go, listen to the professionals and see how that goes. I'm mean honestly what you have written doesn't sound like listening to yourself has been a very good plan for you. But if you are not serious about therapy and ready to do the work, because they can't do it for you and there's no magic wand to wave to make things better, it's not going to benefit you. I wish you love and luck with this endeavor.