I am currently in a pretty bad manic episode right now that follow a brief but severe depressive episode and I am looking for either some useful advice, someone to talk to or even just someone to relate to at this point. So here is what is going on:

I am not exactly sure how long I have been in this episode because I have been pretty out of it and am finally having some decent clarity/sanity periods. I am guessing/was told about 3-4 days now. I am not in the nice and euphoric, want to socialize manic state. I am in the isolating, agitated state. I have not left my house seen Monday, I've missed appts, I'm not eating and even lost 5lbs in a few days. I am not sleeping and if I am an hour or two and then I am wide awake again. I am hyper focused on one subject which is writing and everything to do with writing (I am an aspiring freelance writer). When I am in the episode I think I am being super productive but when I am clear headed I notice that I really have accomplished nothing because I keep redoing and researching the same things over and over. I am having periods of mild psychosis and paranoia and forgetting to even bother with my meds half the time, let alone do anything else.

I refuse to go to the hospital at this point, so that is not even an option. Since I am having periods of clarity now I know that the episode is slowly surpassing. I can't take this agitation. I am snapping at everyone and everything that comes in between me and my writing and I am trying not to damage my relationship with my boyfriend, who is already mad at me because he wants me to stop already and just be "normal". I will go to the hospital though if this goes on for more than 2-3 more days.

I don't know how to try to calm down. I used every coping/relaxation technique I know and/or could find during my brief periods of clarity which only agitated me because it was holding me back from what I really wanted to be doing at the moment (can you guess what that was?)

I don't have any sedatives. The closest thing is unisom which I try taking at night to sleep but does absolutely nothing. I don't drink or use drugs so that's not an option. I don't know what do anymore.