You're not alone in this journey. We will be there to support you. You have to start somewhere so keep your therapy appointment and be open to what they tell you, don't fight it. What I have learned is you have to make yourself vulnerable to them, open up, and yes you will cry sometimes, but that means you are making emotional connections that you need to work through. I hate to cry in front of someone as much as anyone. But once I knew why, I understood that it was something I had to do. So start your healing journey, want better for yourself, be willing to fight for it. The right help is not going to fall in your lap, sometimes you have to seek it out and you will know it's hard and helpful at the same time.