Thanks scared and everyone else for the ideas and support.

I just got back from my pdoc. She increased my gabapentin and said I could take Klonopin.

She says to think "happy thoughts" and be grateful for what I have. That I can walk, that I can breathe, that my daughter has two good jobs, that my son is doing so well (like a miracle) on Lexapro, and that my husband is getting better.

Sometimes I want to slap her as it is hard to think "happy thoughts".

She also says I need variety in my life. Get this: I should clean out my spice cupboard and maybe a closet, and write a book. Gee. I need to get out more. No kidding.

I'm really not stupid. I know I need to get out more. Today I did go to the doctor and to the drugstore.

This story gets better. I have a birthday coming up in June on a Friday. This is the day of my regular therapist's appointment. This is also the day my CBT therapist can squeeze me in due to her summer hours. It's also the day I need to see my pdoc again so she can monitor my gabapentin and give me rexulti samples. (The pharmacy rep comes on Friday mornings so we get the samples. It saves us a ton of money.)

So I will see three psych docs on my birthday. This is my life.