well when you put it that way it seems like i get triggered a lot

i trigger myself, .. apparently i have done something... strange...
i am remembering something my therapist told me one time, that i have associated normal non threatening things with dangerous things... so that these non threats can become triggering... colors... flowers... animals... pleasant sounds.... automatic thoughts...

i guess i have so many triggers its difficult for me to pick them out and pin point them... if that makes sense... as i have associated so many things... i guess...

i'll feel electrical shocks, many shocks... i get dizzy, foggy, feel distant, lose track of whats going on and what i am doing...

sometimes i become jumpy, other times i just am frozen, such as seeing an object coming right for me but zoning out of the body and time and not being able to move...

but its time for me to change this

i cant let it rule me anymore, its time for me to stuff it all in a huge magical steel box that cant be opened. that cant be tampered with.. that cant be bothered...
and no one can open it, it is to not be disturbed and not to be found... tossed far away into the psyche where no one can find it...

this is my goal, this is what i am going to do

that way these reactions, triggers, fears, anxiety, depression, will have no place in my life.. they will be stored in the magic box, safely, locked away, for no one to see hear touch or fear...

maybe i have gotten off topic, or maybe not... it is how i intend on changing my patterns... they are no use to me anymore, i cant make them go away, so i must store them somewhere right?

i just need to build this magic box... i am working on it, i will not fail