So I guess these are the biggest relationships going on for me, which just shows how socially frozen I am. Here's the situation: I'm moving and starting an internship in a new state and my boss and landlord both offered to give me a ride from the airport. They've offered to help with other stuff, too.

It makes me feel like I'm being a burden. I also do not know how to respond, so sometimes it takes me a whole day to email back. I don't want to be the employee who doesn't communicate well, but it really flummoxes me about how "nice" they are being to me so far.

I am declining their help.

The past couple of years I've been trying to work on asking for help. The point is, though, that I did sometimes succeed in asking.

I can't accept this time, from people and organizations I am unfamiliar with. If I have to pay for an Uber to my apartment, I can save money on other things. It will actually feel good to restrict on something else. I feel the way I felt growing up. Completely alone. Me against the world. I'm in survival mode. It feels right. I don't want to rely on people. I don't want to owe anyone anything.

Is it wrong to immediately be on my guard around these new people? Is this what people refer to as trust issues? Control issues?

Is it wrong to simply want to receive my key from the landlord, pay the rent, and not have to socialize? I don't trust my boss. I feel like this is a test.

I'm terrified of these mini relationships already.

Maybe this is why I can't date. Ha!