I already know what my patterns and reactions are when I have been triggered by something.I instantly start on a downward spiral almost as if I am falling into a pit.If I recognize right away that I have been triggered I can put the brakes on the spiral.I can tell myself I have been triggered,I am just experiencing PTSD symptoms that will pass,I need to just ride them out,etc.If I start practicing self care right away by taking it easy,resting,doing relaxing things I enjoy within a few days I am feeling pretty much 100% better.

Other times though I don't recognize I have been triggered and that's when things get really bad.I feel like I am falling into a pit that goes deeper and deeper as each day passes.I feel so hopeless that I no longer want to be alive and it's so hard to pull myself back up.Sometimes it will take a month or longer to even realize what has happened,that I've been triggered and once I do realize it I begin self care and slowly but surely pull myself back up.

There's a huge difference in when I know I've been triggered and when I don't know.When I don't know,I really believe all the horrible things I think and feel about myself,I believe that my life sucks,that there's nothing to live for,everyone would be better off without me,etc and spend a lot of time thinking about all the different ways I could kill myself,believing that dying is the only way out of this horrible,miserable life.When I do know I've been triggered I have all those same thoughts and feelings but I also know it's just because of PTSD and although it's rough,it's manageable.

There's no way to ever avoid triggers completely unless I live under a rock.So the only thing to do is continue working on managing symptoms I get.And also work on recognizing when I have been triggered when it's not so obvious,like watching a movie about incest or serial killers or serial rapists,of course those are definite triggers and there will be fallout from them,but other things,like maybe the way someone spoke to me,or even looked at me,a specific song on the radio,a certain smell,etc.,those are hard to detect.

I recently went on a downward spiral that lasted a couple of months,I am just now back to 70%.It was a very rough time,I didn't realize I had been triggered and fell into that pit of despair and hopelessness and had a very,very hard time pulling myself back up at all.

Does anyone else relate to this?Are you finding it hard at times to change your patterns and reactions?In what ways do you deal with it?