It isn't about any challenge though Trippin. It's looking at a puzzle in different ways so perhaps the OP can think about this situation in more than one way. Wouldn't it be nice if things were just black and white when it comes to people and making decisions about them. Truth is, there is a lot of gray when it comes to the human psyche and how people see things. How people feel anger has a lot to do with their history, how they look at things and what their expectations are as well as their personal self esteem, maturity level and how that is affected when it comes to challenges.

Relationships are most definitely a challenge, that's why this forum is pretty much the busiest forum on the site. A lot of women marry for "safety" and that's a priority that is established deep in their psyche. How a woman may react to catching their spouse flirting with another woman online has a lot to do with their own sense of self esteem and what "safety and trust" means to them personally.

For example, when he talked about her saying that when he is around all that happens with her on a deep emotional level is the reminder of how deeply hurt she was when she caught him interacting with another woman online. To me that is saying how deeply insecure she must have been. She is running away from that hurt, that's what the yo yo in this is about IMO.

When a person is deeply hurt, often that person wants the person who hurt them to suffer that same hurt. In his mind he talks about being apart for over a year right? I don't think that is how she sees it. He was deployed for 9 months, she was alone with this deep hurt and stewed and then when he came home, that's when she began her game to feed her desire to have him "hurt" as much as she was hurt.

I think she is tackling more than just that though right now. I think she had a big reality check, a wake up call, and has been trying to do something she did not do a long time ago, get an education in something where she can provide for herself. BUT, going back to school after so many years away from being involved in the educational system can be scary. Also, getting a nursing degree is not easy. There is actually a lot one has to learn and remember and I know people that went through that and they talked about how hard it really is. I know people that set out to get a degree in nursing and could not make it and gave it up. Some only get to being a nurse's aide too and these people make a lot less than nurses make.

She may be under a lot more personal stress than Dad realizes. And maybe she just can't make a decision because she is so uncertain about so many things right now. And perhaps a part of her is hanging on to some kind of security when it comes to him, even though she still is running from that hurt she experienced.

We only get to hear from one person in this situation. I am trying to consider some other things other than just coming up with "she is wrong and you are too good for her so ditch her". I know he wants an answer from her, and she is flip flopping and I don't think she actually knows what to do right now. I think she is still running from that hurt. I think she should be reaching out to a therapist. And while that sounds easy, well, sometimes people avoid that out of "fear" and yet thinking they should be able to figure things out on their own, so some times it touches on embarrassment too. It takes courage to reach out for help and even "can I trust someone to be able to help me?". What I am hearing about is an individual who is acting based on their confused and hurt emotions. Pushing someone to make a decision in that condition can result in getting a decision based on emotion which can end up being the wrong decision. I think she is trying "not" to make a decision based on emotion and the yo yo is reflecting what she is feeling emotionally switching back and forth between hurt and anger and over all insecurity.

Not only that, but none of the posters here, including myself are trained professionals.

Personally? I don't want to have him make a decision based on my opinion either. I do respect that he is putting in the effort to consider different ways of looking at this challenge.

I do think his wife should spend time with a therapist that can help her figure out these confusing emotions she is clearly challenged with so she doesn't end up making a decision solely based on emotional confusion.

There is no competition between you and me either, we just have different ways of looking at this situation. There has been an ongoing lack of communication between the two of them, this has been going on for a while, before she caught him and she reacted and has been consistently making bad choices based on her emotions. I think she is immature tbh and needs help. And I think she is probably not getting the right advice from her friends.