Artchic,

From the few posts I have read of yours, it's no wonder you anticipate some kind of failure in this relationship. That's because your parents have not put effort into helping you to keep trying even when you don't learn something right away. Instead they contribute to "you can't do it so you have to just give up" attitude.

When it came to your learning how to drive for example, you got distracted and nervous and probably subconsciously worried too much about failing just as you are doing with this relationship.

It's totally understandable you would worry this way because your parents "failed" you and deep inside your psyche you believe you will fail and be abandoned the same way. I am sorry you have been "trained" to feel that way because that is believing in a lie.

We all learn by "doing" Artchic, and some have to do longer than others before they grasp whatever it is they are trying to learn. But, you DO LEARN and that's what is the most important thing to discover about "self".

So, years ago when you tried to learn how to drive you would get distracted (even then you were dealing with self doubt that has been ingrained in you). Well, all that meant was you needed to practice more until you got so you could put it all together.

That is what I did when I taught young children how to ride. I preferred working with very young children because I liked teaching them how to learn how to learn. When I had them on the line where they were learning how to feel the pony's rhythm, I always made it a point to let them know how their challenge with it was going to change, I promised each one that what they felt uneasy about at first would change the more they did it. Then when I taught them how to post in rhythm with the pony's trot, again, this was hard and it took them a while to be able to do it then relax, then try to do it and keep trying between posting trot, then sitting trot. (I taught english riding where one has to learn how to post at the trot in rhythm with the pony's trot). I ALWAYS made it a point to tell them to remember how hard this seems "now" because I wanted them to know that once they got so used to posting that it felt wrong not to, which is what happens in that they ALL get so when they practice it enough, they all begin to do it without even thinking about it so much. Each child was a little different, some learn faster than others, but they ALL eventually learn. That was more important to me in my teaching than how long it took them to learn, just that they all DID LEARN. Then I moved on to other challenges and they ALL learned how to do these other things too.

Yes, there are a lot of distractions when it comes to driving, but, the more one drives the more it all comes together and even those who have low IQ's learn to drive. You are "not" stupid Artchic, and I think you are definitely smart enough to learn how to drive "safely". The challenge that you face the most right now is "fear of failure" that was something your parents (unknowingly) taught you to believe that you would only fail and people would just give up on you, so why bother trying.

As far as relationships go, a lot of people struggle with the same fears you have, a lot of people worry about "what if" and being rejected in some way. It's because of this that people reject, not because there is really something wrong with the other person, but, they are too afraid of getting hurt so they "end" the relationship.

What you do need is to learn that you can learn, how to actually fight for that instead of listening to the negative messages others are sending you. I think you should insist on learning how to drive again and also having as much time as you need to "practice" it until you put it all together to a point where you just have "learned" it.

A lot of parents take their children to big parking lots so they can sit behind the wheel and slowly learn how the car feels to drive, just like I did when I taught young children how to ride. Do you know how to ride a bike? It's not easy to learn how to ride a bike either, but once you learn you never forget, same thing.