I feel SO guilty and hopeless right now...

A little background: We're my little sister and me vs. the world. When we were kids, we lived in constant fear thanks to our beloved abusive father. He had some anger management issues, he still has these but not like then, so he used to vent his anger upon us in any way possible. Trashing, flogging, threats, verbal abuse, etc. They were the tip of the iceberg, the ordinary ways in a soab's daily methodology. But what happened between my sister and me is what's important in here.

The thing is I was the one who felt the weight of my father's wrath. It didn't matter what it was, it was my fault. So, I isolated myself, but I failed to see she was hurting too. She suffered every time I was in trouble (which was all the time), I see that now, and I was so busy being a self-centred twit that I forgot to provide her with some emotional support after all we've been through... She was a victim of this abuse as well... And I kept pushing and pushing and pushing her away... and now I'm afraid I haven't shown her the bright side of a man: Abusive parenting, neglected brotherhood. What a movie! Sounds like the shittiest future for me, especially when everything she's ever wanted is to be my friend. She almost worships me to the point of annoyance and I haven't been a good brother a single day. That's it, I said it. I mean, yes! my life is a ****ing mess, but hers... it doesn't have to be like mine, full of darkness, hopelessness, and self-abuse. I love her. I know she's the best and that she deserves better. WAY better. I keep picturing her in 10 years (she's just 16 now), living all by herself, in the worst conditions (if you knew how she is today! all abandoned and stuff), with a PIECE OF SH as her boyfriend or WORST, husband... Repeating the cycle of self-hate... Oh, GOD, what have I done?!

F... I AM SORRY. I AM VERY VERY SORRY.