man, that's right at the heart of the matter isn't it? How medicated do I have to be to cope, vs how numb to life's realities do I have to be? A never ending challenge for some of us.

It's always worth re examining, but you need to do that in a collaborative way if possible, with your doc. When I'm dealing with si, that's serious. I need help. In some other regards, i'm able to control my environment to some degree of success. There isn't a formula.

The feelings you describe seem like my own, I recognize them completely. Advice: just dont be rash.

This aspect of illness/treatment has become my personal avocation in some sense. I'd be happy to talk honestly with you about it at any length.

It's good you're here, for starters, comparing notes and experiences together empowers us that much more in the decision making processes we face.