Wasn't it Forrest Gumps mom who said "stupid is as stupid does". Well I got straight A's in stupid class. It is all my fault. My decisions are what put me into this pit.

No one seems to understand that I'm no longer the "lean on me" "can handle everything" person I might once have been. I need pills to get up, pills to try to sleep, I even need pills to remember to take the pills. This is worth living for?

Even squid lips refuses to acknowledge I'm ill. He sat through an entire session with the T shaking his head in agreement. There were even a few "yes, I understands" thrown in for good measure. We walked out of the session and .... It doesn't change, it just doesn't change. My pdoc won't even call him any longer because he knows it is futile.

I'm so tired of trudging through this reality. I hate my life and I hate living. Why is it so hard for people to understand that the endless peace of death is desirable.