Two current anxieties:

1. The girl sitting behind me on the train has a voice like a baby goat and it's very loud and I just want to end her

2. I'm already nervous about M on Monday. I made a big confession to him last time and I can't see anyone being ok with me, knowing this thing. So I'm pretty sure he must hate me, or if not, at least think this thing is pathetic and disgusting. He asked if L knows. I think I've alluded to it with her but I'm not positive and in any case I don't think she'd believe me. He also asked if it was ok that he knew this and I said "yes of course" and then I changed and couldn't believe I'd outted myself this way. I left mid-breakdown. So. I guess L should know too but I don't see her until mid-June. I saw her a few days ago and instead of continuing down the path of the awful thing I elected to discuss personal artistic evolution. Hard to admit I am unhappy doing music but far easier than this other thing.