im a fool....

i need serious help...

im not getting it where im going...

i dont know if im being triggered or if its just emotional instability...

i cant jst delete this ****... im going to end up killing myself at this rate....

i dont want to go back to the inpatient place they sent me last time...

it will not benefit me at all... it will not help at all... i need special help...

that place was just some crisis stabilization place and it didnt focus on any of my problems they just doped me up and made me go to 8 group meetings a day... for 9 days...

i am really getting scared because its so out of my control...

i wanted to just forget about it and i really tried to put it in the back of my mind but it wont go away!

the smallest thing can set off a nuclear reaction...

i fall apart... it hurts so bad... i cant handle it anymore...

yes i have an appointment on monday....

im going to talk to my therapist about a new place i found on psychology today website... they sound like a really good place where they have therapist and psychiatrists that work together to help the patients...

the clinic i am going to now my doctor and therapist just dont seem to be working together at all... maybe they are... i dont know... but its not working... doctor says bipolar stuff... therapist says no, its other stuff...

medications are not working... therapy has not helped...

i feel like i've just gotten worse... im suicidal and dont want to live anymore... im in so much pain i cant take it...

im so scared.... hurt... alone... i just want it to stop... but i dont want to be the one that ends it all...

why cant i just make it all go away... why cant it all just get better....

why does it hurt so much.... ****...

i need to go to a hospital that can help but i cant afford any thing... im a poor bastard unemployed with no income no disability nothing to my name living with my dad pathetic .... i have only little insurance and seems to cover like nothing....

feel like there is no help for me.... i dont know what i am supposed to do....
besides just ****ing die....