it feels awful when there is nobody to turn to as i've felt that way before. i really was so bad off as a teenager from sibling abuse that i tried to take my own life. luckily it didn't work. i ended up seeing psychiatrists since then for over 30 years now. i've found there are good and bad ones. my pyschologist i just love and she helped me through some very bad times. i know alot of people may not agree but there are some good docs out there, not just expensive ones too. i hope you can get the help you need and pray you get better soon.good luck