He basically just wants to wait and see how the raise in my gabapentin ER does. It was raised about a week and a half ago. So I see him again in 2 weeks.

Ended SHing later after the appt and had to go to the ER again for sutures. I wish people could understand that I am trying to help myself, and the professionals aren't really doing anything to help.

I told my pdoc the extent of what the anxiety is doing, how I get seriously sui when I can't make it go away, and I don't want to SH but there doesn't seem to be another option.

I'm having to decide between SH or substance use. I could easily acquire some pot or alcohol... and it would work to calm me down without leaving visible wounds. I wish there was a way to do it without harming myself in any way...