Sometimes I really don't enjoy the experience of looking for mental health and support online, because some people's responses can be quite un-compassionate and only open up deeper personal wounds... but I don't see my therapist again for 4 weeks because I was doing better and we're trying to space out visits. So, here we go again. If you'd like to respond, all I ask is that you try not to judge or insult my character too much. I already suffer enough with self hatred and taking criticisms personally as it is. And now after that disclaimer, here's my issue:

On another forum, I posted this experience:

"I’m so miserable and angry right now, and writing this out to share it to whoever will listen (read) is the only thing I feel like will help me right now.

I was sitting at a coffeeshop this evening for open mic night, enjoying the performers and musicians, when the second to last act was a magician doing card tricks. He asked for a volunteer, describing them as a “pretty girl next to a cool guy next to the wall… also with light blonde hair” and I knew he was referring to me. I was a little mad about being put on the spot and asked to do something, but I appreciated the compliment. Rarely do I ever get compliments on my appearance, but that may also be because I never get out much.

Anyway, he asked me to pick a card, which I did. The king of clubs. He shuffled the deck many times, asked another guy to pick a card, shuffled again, etc. Then he asked everyone to make sure he wasn’t “palming” a card anywhere, and had a guy nearby check his palms, arms etc. They had a comedic banter where the guy did a TSA like search all around his body. Finally, the magician looks at me, says he has my card, and unzips his pants. My heart sank and I looked away, off and on. He reaches his hand in and rummages around for several seconds, then pulls out the king of clubs. I confirm that it’s the card. The act is over, and people clap.

Previous to that, I was enjoying myself and having a good time, but after that one incident, I couldn’t think of anything else and felt incredibly angry and miserable. Since it’s not a recurring thing like a workplace I have to go to, there’s not much online help I can look at, only things I can look for to distract myself and forget about the whole thing. I never want to see that guy again, but I did want to go back to the coffee shop next week and play something. Now, I’m not so sure I even want to go back to the venue. I hate that this happened, and that I didn’t say anything about it to my friend next to me. Nobody knows how this affected me. To some people it may not seem like a big deal, but to me it’s really ruined my mood. Hopefully now that I’ve gotten it off my chest I can be happy again."

And I got some various, slow responses. The first couple were very much on my side and supported how I felt, but then I got this response:

"i think the reason no one in the audience responded negatively is because this is not sexual harassment. I might even go so far as to suggest that it was a bit selfish/entitled of you to have responded this way to a light hearted piece of magician comedy. If he had say, asked you to get the card from his pants, made some lewd comment to you etc, that would be a different story, but nothing you described constitutes sexual harassment in any way.

That you felt so bad about it speaks more to yourself than anything else. I’m sorry you let this upset you so much, I hope you can work through whatever issues you have which let events like this upset you so much. In two r cent tiny Buddha articles might be helpful for you, ‘How to Stop Playing the Blame Game’ and ‘7 crucial steps to minimize drama in your life’ paying particular attention to step one, which it seems you could use help with (like many of us).

i wish you well! Hopefully you can overcome letting complete non-issues such as this upset you so much and move on to a happy, healthy life."

This response enraged me so beyond hysterically and I can't stop thinking about it. Not only was I blamed for feeling the way I feel by this person, but I was ATTACKED as being a selfish and entitled person. I replied back, but so far no response. I can't take it anymore, so I had to post here.

I'm trying to discover why this response affects me so much. I get very triggered by people who say I shouldn't feel uncomfortable about a certain situation, when I so clearly do. I don't feel safe when somebody tells me that. I do admit that I am hyper-triggered by uncomfortable sexual feelings, even when it comes to the sound of drops and running water. I used to hear my dad pee REALLY loudly, and I felt like I was forced to think about his genitals and wonder why it was so loud, so now I can't listen to any running water sounds and not feel triggered.

Also, I forgot to mention on this post or to my therapist that this magician also looked like my dad a fair bit. Perhaps there's a pattern here. I was never sexually abused, so I don't know why I'm so triggered. I'm just hyper-sensitive.

It seems there are three things about her response that bother me the most:
1) That I don't have a right to feel uncomfortable
2) I should stop being a "victim" (aka "your feelings aren't valid and I won't help you")
3) I'm a selfish, entitled, bad person

That last part is especially hurtful, shocking and out of line to me, and just adds insult to injury. I can't handle criticism very well, especially when it comes to my morals and character. How do I deal with somebody else's opinion without letting it torture me every single moment of the day and night, when I'm alone with my thoughts? Why am I barely able to even function because of somebody's online comment?