yeah, if he enjoyed it it would be something else.

what scares me is that my brother has this same problem. he looked at porn after he hadnt for a long time and he said he didnt know why, he just did. but in our family, him having mixed feelings towards women is very very understandable considering my father and the influences he had on my brother at a very young age.

my boyfriend, though, when i look at his family i dont see any of the same stuff that would give him this curiosity. he said it was not for any enjoyment, it was just there. i mean, im not a guy so i dont completely understand. but i just think there is something wrong when its just there. if he got enjoyment out of it that would be a whole new can of worms. were working on it though.

i, naturally, blamed myself for not wanting sex as much as i used to because its hard to tell from one day to the next whether ill bleed or not or be in pain etc... but then he said that had nothing to do with it. so i dont know. hes going to try and talk to a psychologist or someone who has been through it before to understand why. he is not normally that kind of guy.

he totally supports me in every way, is very feminist and all for reproductive rights and the whole kit n kaboodle. he is very against having me be the stay at home wife and wants me to go to school etc so it really suprised me because he is, usually, as much against degrading women as i am.

he is sticking with the trying to sabotage our relationship theory which i think could be hitting the nail on the head. every time were doing really well for a long time either him or i do something completely out of the blue and stupid to mess things up. (we have awesome self esteem lol)