kebsfroggy-i don't know you like the others do, i sign in and read mostly rarely do i post i can't find the words or courage to say much. But I do understand how you feel death bringing quite peace. i too take a %#@&#! load of pills this for that and this to counter that and so on, i've had ECT which was good, but it is not a cure all it is a treatment that wore off in about 9 months. i'm tired of the constant merry-go-round that won't stop and let me off it goes faster and faster. 4 of my suicide attempts were very close i was told "you should not be alive" but ta-da-here i still am. i found a really good book that i use when i'm getting close-you see i made a pact with my self-the next time will be successful so i need to be really sure of the impact my going away will have- back to the book "how I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me" by Susan Rose Blauner-it is her personal experience. it cost $12.95 which i know can be a lot on a limited income, i'm glad at this point that i pinched the $$ out. It is very helpful, easy to read and understand and you can pick thru the book for what you need at a specific time. i'm sorry this is so long, but there are others out here that feel the same as you do. i'm the biggest waste of space and time, i give nothing back to society, i exit not live. i hope maybe you would at least look at this book for a little comfort and total understanding. Forrest Gumps Mom also said-"when you get a box of chocolates you never know what you'll get". i too am simply tired, so tired of trying to hang on i would like just to give-up.