Dad, you must be starting to realize that there is something seriously wrong with this young woman. This isn't all about her disappointment in her relationship with you. And I can't believe this all started upon your return from your last deployment. You don't give out much info about where she's coming from in life, and you don't have to. But, within the privacy of your own mind, you need to start doing some mature analysis. You weren't born yesterday. You have to reflect on what you know of your wife's past, her upbringing, her way of relating to family, friends and people in general. You talk like you're clueless. You may not be in the habit of doing much deep thinking. Well, you better start, if you want any future . . . for you . . . and for those kids.

When I said earlier that I think your wife has sociopathic tendencies, I wasn't kidding or exaggerating. There is something really wrong with this gal, and you need to stop living in La La land, believing that, if you just mount a big enough charm offensive, you can go back to something that I don't believe ever existed.

No - this woman is never going to love you as you wish to be loved. I have a hard time believing she can be all that great as a mother either. But she's who you picked out for your children, so they're kind of stuck with her. And maybe she's just fine with them. But that's real unlikely.

I don't think you're very welcoming of my perspective, so maybe I need to bow out of this thread. Asking for feedback is fine, but you need to start doing more of the mental work of figuring out what's going on. And I don't mean: "Did she, or didn't she, screw some other guy?" That's really not half as important as you make it out to be. She probably did. So what? You're just curious. Forget that. Work with what you know. You've known her for over ten years. Ask yourself what kind of a person is she? What's the evidence? You know way more than your telling us. And you don't need to be as dumb and helpless as you're acting.

Stop insisting on this idiotic story about how you married a good woman and, if only you had been a better man, you'ld have some great marriage. You married a mentally disturbed woman for God knows what reason. I'm talking disturbed, as in: capable of some real sick behavior. She coudn't have been that great a prize when you met her. But she was available, and you were lonely. So people hope. Now you know better. So get in touch with reality. You don't sound to me like a bad person. But you seem to choose to just ignore what you'ld rather not think about. If that works for you fine, but it's not working for you.

Maybe, I'm all wrong and you just need to be patient and it'll all work out. Maybe she just needs you to heal her wounded little heart and for you both to get some counseling and all will be well. There's enough posting above offering you that perspective. My perspective, I admit, isn't very supportive of what you hope for. So keep hoping, and see where it gets you.