Honestly after reading the first post, I can't imagine how people can say that it wasn't rape, or that they'd want to hear "both sides of the story". I'm sorry that someone said something like this to you, it's uncalled for and you don't deserve to hear such things at a time like this. I know that if anyone had said any of those things to me after I was asking for help after I was date raped, it would have been unbearable.
I bolded what I think are the most important facts with what happened:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles4444
I feel so guilty but at the same time I don't know what I could have done differently. I was very drunk and clearly not with it but I don't think that's an excuse for what this guy did to me. I don't know where to go from here. I guess my question is, was this rape? Technically I was drunk and he was drunk but at no time did I consent to him doing what he did. I mean I was passed out on my bed when he started and I have no idea how long he had been doing it.
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This is definitely rape and would be considered rape regardless of if either one of you weren't drinking. The consumption of alcohol and other substances inhibit a person's ability to give consent, for one thing.
Secondly, nowhere did you even give consent while you were drunk.
I hope you can realize that this was not your fault, and that you did nothing to deserve this or "invite" that person to do this to you.
Everyone has typically three different types of reactions to difficult situations: flight, flight, or freeze.
It's natural to react to events differently, and just because you froze in this situation doesn't mean that you ended up giving consent. Contrary to popular belief, fighting someone off/ putting up a struggle and running away aren't the only ways a situation like yours becomes rape.
In some places the law doesn't consider it rape if you don't run away, voice your disagreement in some way, or fight the perpetrator off. The law is wrong. The people who think that are wrong. Factually wrong. Morals don't have to come into play for them to be wrong here.
He took advantage of you while you were vulnerable. There are no "two sides" to the story when someone takes advantage of power structures in this way. Plus, you did voice your boundaries by telling him to go away. So no one can hold that against you.
Once again I'm sorry this happened, I've gone through something similar and I know how it feels to question yourself, feel guilty etc. Just know that you don't have to press charges or do anything you don't want to. If it would help to tell a friend who you trust about what happened, you should. I wish you the best and if you need to talk feel free to PM me.