Hi Qubeley

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time at work
But in supporting this resident.......I'm just wondering whether the gap between your role and the roles of your co-workers could be bridged a little more in everyone, particularly you, getting a bit more support??
With your role being a little more directed towards activities, which is a real important job (!!), maybe you're not as privvy to all the support approaches used with this resident..........perhaps staff who over the course of the day spend more one-to-one periods with them will have particular techniques they know work not so bad with them when their behaviours become a problem??
So maybe if you explained some of the problems you're having with them to individual co-workers and ask what they might do with/for the resident if those things came up they could have some suggestions??
Or maybe they could offer some advice on how this resident may be able to get more out of activities, might be other activities would suit them better, might be that they need some space/and to be sitting more away from others, might be someone in the group triggers them, might be they are only able to participate in anything for only much shorter periods of time.........
Even working out/understanding more why they behave the way they do could help you a little in what you do with them/say to them, or minimally in you feeling less stressed (??) when they behave "differently".
For instance if you know that they are going through severe emotional pain because of........or they are reacting due to a past negative experience.........or if dementia is an issue........or it's around the anniversary of a specific event/s.......it might be a little easier to accept or work around some of their behaviours??
And you know, documenting all of the problem behaviours- antecedent/behaviours/consequences- may be a key in some of this.........doing that may help you see some triggers or reasons for the behaviours...........could even help in identifying if they need changes in medication, if they take it, or changes they need in support approaches in general...........
Your co-workers talking about you though..........I don't know if it is personal or not, but maybe try not to take it personally, maybe try to see it more as they are showing concern about you........perhaps they've noticed you're a little stressed, and understandably so, but they don't know why and they are checking in with others to see if they can help with the why, or to see if others can help you/are helping you with the why..........?? I know it would be much better if they just talked to you, but not everyone can do/does that......
As for right now though, I know it may sound real hard, but when you're trying to manage this residents behaviours.........try to emotionally distance yourself a little hey??
They've obviously got problems, but if you can try not to see the expression of those as much aimed at you personally, maybe there are things you can experiment with that may help the resident/that may help with these behaviours or maybe there aren't any immediate solutions but chances are that they are unhappy for some reason and that doesn't need to be about you as a person, you can only do your best for them

Alison