But I think I bullied as many people, as bullied me, there lies the contradiction. I am ashamed of a lot of things I did as a youngster but I guess it was just low self esteem, plain and simple. I have made fun of people ok, hands up, guilty. I am not a victim, yet not perpetrator. Many things I did at 17 were a result of my condition, that is now more or less resolved too I know this, all to well. My recklessness was result of mood disorder. But in conjunction with outer influences.
Hm I never thought of therapist like that. Where I stay many don't even like their doctor, and ask for a different one or do not have much faith in our system. I have experienced this revolt myself. But yes I can see why a person would cling to what a doctor says with their, standing. I remember everything the doctor says, and if it makes me mad I will talk/write about it.
We are same here most just have a psychiatrist for their meds but no psychologist to speak to. There is a waiting list for the psychologist and you are not always referred.
With my condition and past I needed a lot of time spent away in almost seclusion. I had no other choice, my head was broken and I needed lots of time and space. Then slowly, taking baby steps I built up my social circles again. I had get rid of some before getting new ones and the in-between part is hell. I read a 1000 page classic novel I would never have done so if things ran normally. I discovered music that a teenage me would have loved and found it still moved me. I made up with my family. But we very nearly cut all ties, I just couldn't control the resentment at times. But they never hid how they felt so while I seethed, I learnt to pull up my socks and we are all quite close now, close as far as my family could be, so we get along.
Its sad because I would like group therapy. Because in one on one counselling I end up repeating myself and running out of things to say. I' d like to listen to others.